So I was called “Chocolate Fantasy” today. Personally, I when people make comments like that, it makes me wonder about their headspace—like, what’s happening between brain and mouth that people say things like this. But this also made me think about when we’re called subjective terms (i.e Big Fine, Red Bone, Sexy Slim, Black Stallion, and the list goes on and on), what do we think? Outside of a chuckle or eye roll or sneer, we generally don’t take these types of comments too seriously. But why? Because it’s a “compliment,” right? It’s a self-esteem builder, right? But that’s what I want to address: self-esteem, as it relates to “preferences” and fetishes. When people have their preferences, and we are what they prefer, it feels good to be the “subject of affection.”
When somebody says “I love chocolate men” and you’re chocolate, then you feel great, you feel like you’re something special. But then when you’re not the “ooh la la,” then what?
It feels good to be fawned over, until it’s not you. Everybody wants to be somebody’s “type.” It’s validation, like it or not. Everybody needs something or someone to love and everybody wants to be loved. But this is a two-sided coin. It’s only “subjecting and objectifying” when you’re the one not being subjected to. Think about it, people only picket and petition where they’re not wanted. And generally it’s of a minority representation.
This brings me to another point: fetishes. Where does the line cross from preference to fetish? We all like certain things. Sometimes we get a little adventurous or some things get us a bit more excited than other things. But suppose one says he has a thing for, I don’t know, long hair. Is this a preference or fetish? It’s one thing to like it, but I guess when you’re getting off at watching people tie their hair up or lurking around the shampoo rooms of salons, maybe you’ve crossed into fetish territory.
It can all get a bit dicey, especially when people talk about what they’re “into.” I’ve encountered (and I’m sure many of us have) being the center of someone’s intrigue, their intent to satiate some internal longing. There are people who ask themselves, “I wonder what (fill in the blank) is like?” And of course, certain stereotypes are associated with certain diversity groups and inquiring minds want to know. Well, not exactly “minds,” but you know…
Everybody has things they like and really like, even fantasies. But fantasy can get a bit dangerous. People are prepared to pay for fantasy—a lot. Nothing wrong with liking what you like, but keep a handle on it--before it gets a handle on you.