No More

“What are some challenges or insecurities you carry that you feel may be holding you back from greater things? How can you take them on so they no longer stand in your way?”

We all have insecurities. Things that we overthink, things that may distract us, or priorities getting louder. When asked about insecurities holding me back though, nothing instinctively came to mind, yet most of my remembering years are threaded with tales of overcoming challenges.

Then I realized in this question, I view challenges and insecurities as two very different influences—primarily, defining “insecurities” from within and “challenges” from outside.

I could have rambled off a laundry list of “If this, then this” or “shoulda, coulda, woulda,” but I thank God for the spirit of an overcomer. Not to say that life has not and does not bring internal and external challenges, I don’t feel like they are “holding me back from greater.”

There is a certain confidence. With that, my confidence might be interpreted as arrogance. I’ve even had people tell me that, but it would translate (and I would tell them), as a reflection of them, not me. And I will not “carry anybody’s bags,” translation—you will not project onto me your own issues.

Yet as do all of us, I have things that I have to keep in check and be reminded of. Not necessarily things that “stand in the way,” but opportunities I want to address them more:

1. I want to get my work and myself in front of more people. I feel like I can talk to anyone. I’m confident in who I am and whose I am as well as my craft and what I have to offer. I’m confident in everything I am and everything I bring. I recognize a part of me seeing the success I want to see comes with consistently marketing and networking. And my commitment to that process is one I want to build. This effective marketing

Of course, there’s the whole principle of “doing good work and expecting good things,” but a part of my brand and my experience is honestly people knowing me. God told me when I was about 14 years old that He would give me “access and influence” and that comes with engaging with personhood.

2. Maximizing on access and influence. I know and am connected to many influential decision-makers, movers, and shakers, and I think a way to see “greater things” is to use these resources in my favor.

I used to think that so much of that meant “leaning on others to make things happen for you,” but I’m reminded that on Earth God does things through people and what exactly does “access and influence” look like if not through people.

3. Keep room for my craft. Doing a lot and moving a lot of things forward, it can be easiest to give the plant apparently yielding the least fruit the least attention, but contrarily, that might just be the reminder to don’t stop tending. My life is pretty distributed among my nonprofit and community work, my social life, and my personal projects. My job, my church, and many of the social spaces I socialize and belong are among individuals and communities I serve and represent. That being, I don’t have to try hard to touch on those points of life, but my work as a writer, actor, director is a whole new world that includes many experiences, people, and spaces I may have never been. And even the spaces I allow my work and stories to go, creatively can go to worlds I myself have never known. With that, a priority is to keep space for the unknown, keep some wiggle room, or don’t have things so tight to where there is no room for something new.

All these points are connecting – to consistently keeping an intentional space for wonder, magic, and something new. And with those, nothing can stand in the way!

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© 2018 by Gerald Garth