30 Things in 30 Years: Know What's Too Much and Know What's Not Enough
April 28, 2014
I see in me that my capacity goes to eternity in what I feel for you.
My love, my life, my thoughts, my doings all express how I'm real for you.
I'm full and overflowing, swelling, never-ceasing, my love for you is
Ever-increasing, swollen like rivers, spilling over and growing over.
Its power is stronger than an ocean. The power of love knows no limits.
Its capacity knows no end. My love peaks mountains and pits seas.
Encompasses the skies and out numbers the sands and the stars.
My capacity knows no end, no limit, no ceasing.
Your capacity for me, it is as full as you are capable.
To the degree to which you’re able.It is as full as you know full to be.
As full as you know how.
Your teacup is full; your soup spoon is full.
Your clinched fist is full, as full as you allow.
This is your capacity when it comes to me.
I can't fault that you're limited and finite, bound and set,
Because it’s not about me, lest I forget.
I can’t be mad that you don’t see all of me when you don’t see all of yourself.
I can’t be mad that you can’t give me what I need when you don’t do that for you.
It’s all you can do. It’s all you can hold. It’s all you are.
Your capacity for me is just as I see: limited, partial, restricted, inadequate.
I know you care, I know you feel.
But your capacity is not enough for me.
This is a poem I wrote years ago around a certain someone who was not giving me what I needed. Our relationship was give/ take: I gave, and, well, you know the rest. And it wasn’t just things or money. Beyond outward expressions, there was a lack of emotional and spiritual support and a lack of reciprocity with accommodating changes—it seemed like I was the only one “trying to make this work.” But, as life is an amazing teacher, I realized early on, as the old phrase goes, “some people just don’t have it in them to do right.” Now, this is not me being dismissive, but rather understanding that everybody’s “enough” is different, and honestly, you can’t fault people because of it. “Giving each other the world” translates differently depending on your definition of “the world.” Like I’ve rearranged my entire day for you, but you text me after to “don’t worry about it,” but to you you’re “just as considerate.”
We should hold those in our lives accountable and to know our own self-worth, because if you don’t know it for yourself, surely no one else will. There’s an old saying where I’m from: everybody loves a good sucker. So if you take it, don’t be surprised if they keep dishing it.
All this to say, any type of relationship (fraternal, romantic, or otherwise) is about two people coming to agreeable, amicable, and hopefully peaceable terms-- yet there should be a sense of balance too. When either party is feeling as if he or she is not being met in the middle, it needs to be addressed. But remember what’s too much for you might not be enough for the other…