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30 Things In 30 Years: Free Yourself

"Baby, you don't pay me no mind. You act like you don't even love me no more." Fantasia Barrino

This is very strongly hinged upon the last point. Just like when one outgrows clothes or shoes or hairstyles (no shade), it’s very important to understand that people and relationships are neither indispensible nor irreplaceable. This doesn’t mean you have to be rude or ugly or crass, but you gotta understand that a lot of times people who were around in the last season may not be in the upcoming.

And honestly, you can hinder yourself by holding on to people who don’t need to be held on to. Now, this does not take anything from what was-- the good times, the memories—but embrace when what it was is just that—was. I was a notorious "holder-onner," considering people's feelings or potential, or maybe just not wanting to have that conversation. And there have been times where I’ve had to have conversations and then sometimes the Universe ceases or lessens dialogue between friends, acquaintances, exes.

Sometimes it’s hard to allow the idea of someone who was once there to not be, but you can’t have what (or who) you need in your life if you keep holding on the bits and pieces that once were—especially on the strength of “because he/she has just always been around.” Learn when to bow out gracefully and to allow the same of others. And if you look up and realize someone hasn’t been there like they were—they may already have.

Embrace change. Those friends, that mate, all those good things are coming—and they’re gonna stay. No love lost, only love gained.


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