This has been a full season, and I am grateful. Many opportunities are finding me, and I have been able to flourish, operating in the many gifts I have been graced with. Yet with all the things I do, I had a moment where I thought about all that I do and felt like my impact was not as great because people were not recognizing me en masse. I would begin to diminish my contribution, because it was not lauded to the degree to which I thought. I would begin to lose zeal. Then I had to question myself. I asked myself why do I do what I do? Am I actively engaged in change and impacting my communities, or do I just want to be seen?
In this digital age, it can be a real exercise to gauge success on the how many people like, share, or comment. I know personally I have "felt some kind of way" when something that I've done had not gotten the recognition that I thought it should. But true to form, when I get too left, Spirit reels me back in. God told me in this season, He wants to prepare me, not parade me.
This season has been one of paring away things that don't need to be connected to me. God has been humbling me and keeping me humble. In this time where I'm getting awards and opportunities, Spirit has been intentionally keeping me low. At first, I didn't recognize what was happening. I would often feel forgotten or ignored, but God in all omniscience, has reminded me otherwise.
In this season, there has been grooming and pruning like I’ve never seen. It’s almost been likened unto wringing out a rag. So many lessons in humility. Spirit has been asking more from me—more accountability, more self-discipline, more self-determination. And the thing is, this is what I asked for. I asked for a clearer path, for more clarity, and from my experience that has come with this, what I called, being gathered up. It’s like life has been holding me to a whole new standard. But like the adage goes, “to whom much is given, much is required.” I want more, I want to require more, I must want more and require more out of myself first.
It is a complete exercise in getting out of one’s comfort zone. In pushing oneself to the capacity of what he can be. I want that for me, so I embrace the process. Wringing out the rag is preparation. It's often not pretty, but is truly necessary.